April 11, 2007

Ive been distracted lately every day I wake up with no expectations as to what each day would bring and every night I am absolutely surprised at the gifts God grants me.

I feel very, very blessed right now.

While I am in a highly transitional stage and have abandoned all titles that once represented who I thought I was I still feel
more grounded than ever.

My spirit is on fire.

Tomorrow morning I am training at 6:30am and performing a killer chest/abs workout.  Then, I am updating fitnesscure.com, eating breakfast, then heading to an elderly group home to lead a fitness class. Afterwards, I am heading straight to a junior high school, where I will be meeting with the principle to make arrangements for the re-institution of the CARE (California access to recovery effort) program in 2 school districts, led by the JJC of Sacramento.

Towards the end of the day, I plan on completing 2 articles, finishing a newsletter project, brainstorming a new podcast and book, reading books I picked up at a flea market, spending time with Spencer, walking my dog and writing out my quarterly objectives.

While it appears that I am incredibly plan-full or what Chuck would say: obsessed with progression…I cannot disagree, because I am.  I like having specific monthly/weekly/daily goals and a personal blueprint as a navigational tool. I like making lists, completing tasks and seeing the fruits of my labor come alive. 

However, while I spew the importance of planning, I also feel that a degree of spontaneity is key to making correct changes when the nature of your game plan isn’t making points on the scoreboard. 

Today I made significant changes and right now I’m feeling the points finally starting to add up.

I’m happy.

I don’t have a stable job but I am committed to a passionate career.
I don’t possess a perfect body but I have instilled a healthy body image.
I don’t own a valuable piece of property but I cherish an earth belonging to no one.

In this life, we are all seeking things that brings us a false sense of who we area false sense of  what we haveand a false sense of perceived security.

None of which exist.

While I can make plans, draw charts and create maps to where I want to going the end it is not my choice. What happens tomorrow, or what occurs later today is not directed by me. The nature of this world is directed by a force far greater than what my ego can contain.

The only thing withstanding our individual natures in times of hail, wind, rain and storm is a fervent spirit that chooses if/when to respond when hit by outside physical forces.
 Right now in my present life, I feel like I’m falling down from a tornado and landing in a place far removed from the world I left
behind.

But I am still me

and regardless of the transitions, the new projects, the endless
questions on ‘who am I’, ‘why am I…I?’ and ‘what am I doing?’ …I
know without doubt, that no amount of physical change can re-direct my
thoughts in knowing exactly who I am.

For the first time in my life, I feel that I am following God’s will…and
with this faith I have found new courage to be fearless in a world I am
ready to truly exist in.

Have a blessed week everyone…and happy belated Easter!!!

JOURNAL PICTURES – APRIL 10, 2007

Happy Belated Easter y’all…my mom dared me NOT to wear this headband all day!

Danielle and Angel at my grandmother’s house! White was the color of the day!