May 20, 2013
For the first time in 8 years, I stopped posting regularly on my website.
I’ve been busy with work, consumed with activities, exhausted with child-rearing and mildly depressed with my life operations. Periodically I get down. At the end of a demanding day, instead of working or writing until midnight, I choose to sleep early knowing that I have to wake up the next day and ‘exist’ again. I don’t see this low tide as a negative experience, I see sadness as a very natural experience. After all, we can’t always be happy, positive and energetic all the time. Those who are – pretend to be.
I’ve never been a good pretender.
It’s not easy right now. Starting a new business never is. Having multiple children never is. Trying to prioritize your personal fitness when you are needed everywhere – never is. I’m trying to reflect on this passing season in my life without becoming consumed by how lost I feel living in the present moment.
While things are tough…I know it could be tougher. In the depth of my recent depression I allowed defeat, stress and fatigue succeed in preventing me to see what I lacked versus what I had. The truth is, regardless of my position at the end of the day, I still had freedom of choice, to choose my attitude and try again the next day. That single strength: the strength to choose your attitude and therefore your actions is the most powerful truth one can discover.
You can either focus on what you have or what you don’t have.
Just now I had chills watching online news stories about the tornadoes in Oklahoma. I saw older women on gurneys, who could’ve been my mom, or injured children who could’ve been my child…it made my eyes water, my heart break and my soul sad. I realized that my recent sadness is nothing compared to the sadness experienced by the families in Oklahoma. What am I so sad about? I can hug my child tonight. I can wake up and go to the gym tomorrow. My difficult is no longer difficult when I see images of houses completely destroyed – recalling it still gives me chills.
This afternoon I had an emotional phone call with my mother who cried through the news story of the elementary schools uplifted by the tornado. After I hung up, my husband looked at me and said “I got the call.” Immediately I knew he received orders to prepare for deployment with Team Rubicon to Oklahoma within 48-72 hours. Since he’s two weeks shy from arriving after assisting in the Chicago floods, I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of being a “single” mom, again, and deal with all the frills of being a working mom of three tiny boys.
While challenging, deep down I know it’s absolutely nothing compared to the lives devastated by the tornadoes. I know my husband has the passion, experience, command and ability to truly and effectively help people. When I first met him, he once told me that throughout his life he was always placed at the right place at the right time – like an accident – to help people in need. Today, I think he’s with the right organization, in the right time of his life, with the right person…who will support his purpose.
So life will continue to be a little harder these next couple weeks. The difference is, however, that the pain I see will provide me with the power I need to persevere through these difficult times.
When others are weakened, we must become stronger…that’s the equilibrium of life. In trying times, that’s when you give – because even if you don’t think you have enough, you can still find a little more. Just like the universal laws found in fitness, it’s that last couple reps you thought you couldn’t do, that made you grow the most.
I’ve been down – but down just redefined itself.