my deepest insecurity

November 28, 2007

November 28, 2007

I celebrated my 27th birthday on Monday. I don’t feel old nor young.

I feel like I haven’t fully settled since the road trip last week. While I am usually an action oriented person, I feel like Ive been
stalling in that department as I haven’t been writing a lot, reading enough, working as hard or training intensely.

Now while there is some truth to that perspective, there is also a bias perception of my reality influencing those statements and as I write I know this is a strength/weakness Ive continued to battle with my entire life….

As I prayed in church the morning of my birthday, I started streaming tears of gratitude. To live another year to experience it with people have supported me my entire life to be bestowed innate gifts to connect, to discern, to understand and to communicate through a written word, a conversation, a smile

I know there is a purpose why we all exist why I exist and yet

As my eyes brimmed with tears, I felt a small pain in my heart – a feeling that has become a friend to me in my 27 years of living.

I felt sadness.

I didn’t feel good enough.

I felt like my existence wasn’t being used to service this world.

I have nothing of great inspiration to share with y’all today. Not even the day of my birth a day that represents the most truest form of creativity, can spark creativity in me right now.

Thank you for reading. God Bless.

Journal Pictures November 27, 2007