Loving Myself.

July 29, 2009

 July 29, 2009

While I’ve been incredibly busy, I’ve managed to get to my lowest weight in five years.  Suddenly I’ve been receiving compliments everywhere regarding my level of fitness after giving birth a little over six months ago. It’s admittedly a great feeling to be acknowledged for a feat most new mothers often struggle with. I  attribute my success entirely on my healthy diet, my balanced outlook on life and my motivation to be a positive role model as well as attractive to David

 It feels good to feel strong, lean, sexy and fit again after years of truly struggling with my weight. After my last competition in 2003, I began four years struggling with Bulimia and Binge-eating.  At that time in my life I was focused on meeting top sales goals, obsessed with  winning pageants and concentrated on finding who I was’ in my early twenties. I lost myself and no longer felt “whole’. I was empty inside, and I manifested that emptiness through physical actions.

As a person who experienced an addiction, I can tell you first hand that one of the reasons why people can’t stop their addiction is because they are scared of the after-effects from abusing their body for years.
 Not only did I have to become more aware of my spiritual and mental state-of-mind, but I also had to combat daily perfectionist patterns that triggered the disorder.

I stopped counting calories. I stopped setting goals. If I had a large meal, I let it sit in my stomach and turn into fat storage. If I didn’t eat enough, my body would go into starvation mode. I gained weight. I stopped going shopping. But as much as I began hating my body, I had to love it every day.

That was part of my personal therapy…learning to accept, appreciate and adore my temple regardless if it wasn’t what I wanted.  I nurtured my mind, body and spirit by good exercise, good foods and most of all.good thoughts.

In my daily journal today, there is a quote that says: Thoughts become Things.

Even though I felt unattractive, bloated and overweight…I had to believe I was beautiful, fit and healthy. Even though I failed to meet weight goals for years despite my diet and exercise.I had to believe I was on the right track.

While my hormones were imbalanced and my body lacked stability or even menstruation for years.  I had steadfast faith that one day my body will   genuinely become mine’ again.

And it has.

I feel more alive than I ever have. I know how to filter my emotions.I know how to nourish my body, but most of all, I know how to love myself.

In my early twenties I yearned to know who I was’, why I was here and what I was meant to do. After  creating a fitness nonprofit, becoming a mother and achieving a body I’m proud of – I know that every life step both good and bad was an essential step that brought me right here, right now.

God Bless.

Journal Pictures: July 28, 2009

We were stuck in L.A. most of last week due to David’s daughter’s flight delays.
They were here for three weeks and we had tons of fun!
Here I am trying to catch up with emails in the hotel room.

I had ONE drink that night….most of the time we danced!

Anastasia and I showing some behind! She’s got a GREAT behind!