September 29, 2008

These days have been some of the slowest days of my life. I don’t write much anymore (hence my lack of journal entries). I hardly read. Each day I keep occupied by work activities and chores. I visit with friends, workout and walk my dog.

Yet, regardless of what I do – I know that right now I’m having a very hard transitioning to the woman I’m going to become in the next few months.

In my silence, I’m inhaling the realization I am going to be a wife and a mother. Most of the time, I sense I have more fears than anticipation. Sometimes I wonder if that’s normal. Often I wonder if I was the person who had not been normal all along.

After all, I’ve always done things the ‘unique’ way and chose a life that was much harder than the regular route people go. After graduating college, I could’ve gotten a job, worked up the corporate ladder…and stayed there. At least I would have more of a false sense of security with my longevity and future with the company. I could have a stable 9-5 job, enjoy company picnics and chat with coworkers in the break room.

I could’ve married the first long term boyfriend who provided stability, security, support and love…and settled.  Maybe we weren’t as ‘passionate’ or possibly fought about silly stuff…maybe we ‘loved’ each other for artificial reasons and were still in the initial stages of ‘lust?’

Who knows.

All I know – is that my parents warned me of my inner nature. A temperament they’ve grown to accept in their years of raising me. My dad talks willingly of my assertiveness and need to be ‘softer’ at times. My mother speaks candidly about my lack of long term satisfaction and need be ‘free’ from monotony and boredom.

Right now: I’m feeling the weight of my disposition and effect of my decisions. I remind myself daily that this is a momentous point in my growth and that my discomfort is creating growth whether I feel myself moving or not. Progression isn’t always hard, hurried, and hustled. Progression is also soft, silent and slow.

While days are quiet and my actions are leisured, internally there is something kicking, moving, developing and getting ready to make its entrance in around 3 months. All that I am and will continue to become will be a product of my lessons learned in this life phase.

 

Journal Pictures: September 29 2008

The birthday girl! Katelyn turned six!

I bought her a Jonas Brother’s lunchbox and a bunch of workbooks

The party was held at “Incredible John’s” and it was CRAZY there.
Definitely not your average Chuck-n-Cheese!

With my sisters and Serena. (I’m the pregnant woman in the middle

Danielle is growing up soo fast. I LOVE HER!!!

We stayed the night at my sister’s place on Friday to watch their soccer game on Saturday.
They are sooo good!!

This is my workout calendar! (My niece and nephew helped me color it)
As you can see, I’ve been pretty good about my activity. (the RED means rest day)
So far I’ve gained almost 20 pounds, which is right on schedule.

I’m approaching my 26th week right now!