March 5, 2012

Since our return I’ve had two urgent doctor appointments for myself, one for Christian and one canceled appointment for Nicholas. My husband went to the ER twice, the second in which he was admitted. We were all suffering from various illness unrelated to each other. Due to this constant chaos, it feels like Paris was a big fat blur in a memory long, long ago.

When you’re busy as I’ve been – it’s really hard to focus on anything to write. Most often there isn’t anything steering my journal entries, I usually write and see how my feelings manifest. Right now my feelings are this: Despite the constant hospital visits, we are blessed.

I’ve been repeating this mantra for a few days now. I meditated on my blessings when I:

–          Received a hospital bill for nearly $1300 for Gabriel’s readmission at two days old.

–          Evicted someone from my care home facility for nonpayment.

–          Refrained from working out for nearly three weeks because of pain

–          Woke up nearly every morning with lack of sleep

–          Spend days trying to manage a household, a business and three young kids

At the end of the day, regardless of obstacle, we are blessed. Many people would describe blessings as a grateful comparison to those who have less than you.

I believe that we are blessed because we have Faith.

Having faith means knowing that there is a larger entity orchestrating these mishaps in my life. Having faith means believing that these incidents happen for cause and reason. Having faith means trusting your gut…knowing that you were given an invisible instinct to know when something is right or wrong.

Having faith has always been subject to public criticisms by many thinkers who want to see empirical data that God exists. However, God isn’t something you think, it’s something you feel.

When I was a young girl I distinctly remember asking at eight years old what the difference was between ‘thinking’ and ‘feeling’. After all, as a young girl it appeared to mean the same thing:

“I think I’m happy” versus “I feel I’m happy”

Sounds the same but are very different. Thinking is processed in the brain; Feeling is processed in the heart.

Whenever I’m caught up in various thoughts and emotions I usually write it all down so I can expel my thoughts. When finished, I center myself and review how I feel, for those feelings are what define and give reason to my experience.

Discovering your true feelings requires you to eject thoughts and silence your brain. When doing so you are allowing yourself to hear your true thought – the thought that originates from within.

I believe that gut intuition, is God speaking – telling you to have faith you are blessed….

….because when you are blessed you have faith.