August 11, 2009
I often wonder when this website will begin to fade
It’s been a long time since I began compiling this site on a simple website tonight’ account on godaddy in 2005. I wasn’t anticipating to write week after week, year after year and even garner a large following sprawling between countries and age groups.
All I wanted to do was write to let go of this passion inside of me. To openly question the depthness of what makes us who we are
It’s been a journey that I’ve thought about ending. After all, I’ve been so busy with producing pamphlets, ordering
products, writing articles, creating budgets, attending meetings and filing paperwork . my greatest escape is falling asleep each night
cuddling my little son. These days, it’s as if my mind never seems to be clear enough to write a meaningful sentence.
I guess one of my biggest feelings is the hypocrisy that looms in my heart. I speak about loving passionately, living freely and existing genuinely in a world that sometimes feels empty of such energy. In my writings and personal adventures, I felt that type of existence when I traveled to distant countries, walked down unpredictable professional routes and chose to love people and things that were challenging yet rewarding.
And while I feel a calming, loving sense of hope and gratitude as I spend each day with my son, I know that my life has changed. Some days I feel present and aware – other days I feel a bored sense of routine and monotony. There are days when I hope for a
greater future and then there are others when the future seems so volatile and bleak. I know I can be loving, endearing and
affectionate.but most often, I find myself to be closed, pensive and focused.
Sometimes, I don’t know how to exist desiring worldly success, while thriving to enhance my spiritual awareness.
I want to feel more real’ in my daily life and as I reflect myself upon this site.
I have many blessings, but my fault has always been the desire to explore…to progress and to develop a better life. My eyes are so focused on the prize that I lose present awareness of the here and now.’
While writing weekly is a tedious and vulnerable process, it helps me reflect of a life lived
of a person trying
of a daughter who became a mother and now becoming a wife.
This is a journey meant.to get better..and to keep going.
And while I’m never truly satisfied…
I know being self-critical, self-reflective and self-progressive is an important growth aspect of self-awareness.
Life is a journey, and our destination is never final.
Journal Pictures: August 11, 2009
Posing on a pony at Mia’s 2nd Birthday party!
His features are changing again!
We had a date night on Saturday. First time in a LONG time.
Originally we had the baby, but I asked my mom if she can watch him last
minute! Here we are making an impromptu stop at R15 before go home.
He’s great…I sucked!
at the park with my little chum chum
I love him more than life.
Auntie Borina visited us on Sunday!
My grandparents renewing their wedding vows for their
60th wedding anniversary. Unbelievable!
With my lola at lunch after church.