creating correct circumstances

June 27, 2007

June 26, 2007

Months ago something changed in me. Almost suddenly, I lost motivation to take action in the life I was presently living at the time. I re-thought all past dreams, all present gifts and the circumstances I needed to create in order to get the desired effect of what I really wanted. I decided that if I wanted something I need to create ‘the desire’ for it to come.

When I closed escrow and gave back keys to the condo, I knew that pain in my gut was correspondent to my childhood yearning to purchase my first home with my future husband.

When I packed my belongings at 24 Hour’s headquarters, I knew the anxiety in my brain was equivalent to my continuous itching to work independently as a free agent.

When I left San Francisco and my independent lifestyle, I knew the sorrow I felt was proportionate to my eternal longing to be close to my family and one day have a family of my own.

When I celebrated my mother’s birthday this past weekend, I knew that the pride I felt was correlative to my craving to understand what being a ‘woman’ meant for me today.

There are moments in your life when you become lost with all the things you want to do, have to do, need to do…

And then there are moments of complete silence when all those internal voices lose sound.

Instinctively, we all know that in order for things to change, something has to change. We also know that you can’t let anything in, unless you let some things out.

You will lose your pride, your ego, your sense of security and who you are …but you will gain an inner stillness and a bright awakening of a spirit that exists despite whatever invisibly strips you of your wholeness.

I am a woman.

I don’t have to pretend to be beautiful, dumb, successful, needy, independent, ambitious or fashionable.

I don’t have to cater to people I don’t like or be someone I don’t respect. I am a woman – I am who I am and I offer no apologies.

In a world where noises distract you from your focus, it’s a blessing to listen to the quiet contentment of a heart unchallenged by the false desires that kills our world today.

Months ago I let go of my false securities…today, I’m seeing new landscapes in a world untraveled.

Journal Pictures: June 26, 2007

Thursday afernoon after Katelyn’s award ceremony for her new belt.
I loved it when the teacher said: ”
Do you know what a black belt is? It is a white belt that never gave up.

game Saturday morning with my momma! Notice my pose. I am now calling
it ‘the Maria pose’ hahaha! YES, I do get teased, all the time for

OMG!! Aren’t little kids adorable. I spent soooo much time with them this weekend. This was a crazy long day that started with a run, a soccer game, the hero challenge, Reno, ‘circus circus’ and more!

Sandra Augustin’s HERO CHALLENGE was soo cool. I’m happy I was able to stop by for a sec. Here is a 200lb dummy contestants had to pull! Crazy.

With my gym girlfriend, Janelle Haney. We use our cleavage as ‘pocket protectors’ hahahaha~

With San Jose kette bell instructor, Adrian, at the Hero Challenge on Saturday.
I cut my hair!! 4 inches gone. (this was a spontaneous decision.)

Jumprope game at ‘circus circus’ – Since I jump rope all the time, I was so good at it!
I traded candy and lollipops with my tickets!

I am officially their 3rd wheel. Christine and Edgar chilling in their room.
They might as well nickname me Maria “Firestone” or something…

I took a mid day nap. I was soooooooooooo tired. So grumpy when I’m sleepy or hungry.

Mom invited all her closest friends. It was a great annual celebration.

My beautiful familia. My mommy turned 46!!

I found that flower in the fruit display

They like to test my strength a lot! A LOT.

I need a tannnn!

About to eat some pizza. Of course, I am a ‘crust only’ person.