I had my tumor removal surgery on December 20, 2024. It was all quite surreal. It was a typical Friday, I prepped my belongings after dropping the kids to school. My dad arrived at 10am and we drove solemnly to the hospital where we met my sister, niece and nephew. I recall leaning over from pain during check-in and laying in a hospital bed as I signed release waivers of three surgeons. As they wheeled me away and into the…
The Hurt Stops Here.
December 18, 2024When my mother died, she opened a portal in me. It felt like I followed her into the dark, seeking spiritual truths and recreating a life that was authentically my own. Ever since I was little, I cried in her absence. I held onto her car tires when she dropped me to preschool. I would hide under her work desk because I wouldn’t let go of her leg at drop off. I feared her leaving decades before she finally left.…
How I heal from within.
November 26, 2024On September 18th, as I was meditating, I heard the words, “Your tumor is shrinking.” While I was mildly nauseous from having completed one chemo cycle, I understood immediately that the spiritual shifts I underwent prior to my treatment was healing my body. The night prior to my first infusion I was angry. I was highly anxious as I didn’t receive a care plan from my medical team and wasn’t told what I was being infused with, how many cycles…
Operation Save Maria’s Life.
August 24, 2024Let me set the stage for you… It is 2022. I start emailing my doctor about re-occurring health issues. In June I notice extreme dryness around my lips, followed by full blown eczema on my face, chronic fatigue, and rectal bleeding. I request blood work and am told to take iron pills and stool softeners for hemorrhoids. A couple months later I receive an email from Kaiser, a health plan I’ve had since I was born, that my premiums have…
Where is God?
June 6, 2024
I am not the same person who was diagnosed eight months ago. When being told you have Stage IV cancer, it’s not something you process in one day. You notice everything. You see everything. You feel everything. So much that mattered before, doesn’t matter now. All the worldly ambitions, societal expectations and keeping up with whatever - means nothing.
I’ve asked ‘what is the meaning of life” almost every day since I was a…
I have Cancer.
November 15, 2023Last Friday I woke up at 4am to a gnawing pain in my lower abdomen. I’ve underwent a lot of tummy pain recently and just had a colonoscopy for low iron and internal bleeding. A week prior I complained of pain to my sister – who is also a nurse – and she frustratingly asked, “What would it take for you to finally go to the ER?” I stubbornly responded, “if I could no longer breathe.” As I laid in…