Last Friday I woke up at 4am to a gnawing pain in my lower abdomen. I’ve underwent a lot of tummy pain recently and just had a colonoscopy for low iron and internal bleeding. A week prior I complained of pain to my sister – who is also a nurse – and she frustratingly asked, “What would it take for you to finally go to the ER?”
I stubbornly responded, “if I could no longer breathe.”
As I laid in bed with my heating pad, I felt like I was undergoing belly contractions but without the breaks found in labor. I could barely walk and experienced shortness of breath. I called my dad and sister, hobbled to each room to kiss my son’s goodbye, and sat outside in the dark crisp morning air, waiting for my father to arrive.
I felt every bump and turn as he rushed me to the hospital. Upon arriving, despite being the busiest ER in northern CA, Kaiser was completely empty. I was disturbingly pale, my blood pressure measured 82/41 and my hemoglobin levels were dropping, which kept discussions of a blood transfusion surfacing for the next couple days.
When asked why I didn’t take pain meds, I responded, “If I took pain meds, how would I know if I was in pain?” Now that I was in a trusted setting, I relieved myself as they progressively administered Tylenol, then two doses of Fentanyl, then Morphine and eventually Oxycodone. I was fighting an infection.
While there, my doctor called to share the pathology results of the mass found in my colon a couple days prior.
They found Cancer.
My youngest sister and father comforted me as I took in the news with shock. I didn’t meet any of the markers for colon cancer. It didn’t run in our family, I was relatively young, healthy, a non-smoker… I meditate and teach breathwork for God’s sake? None of it made sense. This past year I was told blood in my stool came from hemorrhoids (the joy of having babies) and I saw multiple holistic and functional doctors for my gut issues. No one saw this coming.
I’ve always had a nonchalant view of life. Often saying I’m ready to die at any moment, which I am. I love the extraordinary life I’ve lived, I love the beautiful people I’ve loved, I love the exciting things I created and I know I’m leaving it a better place than I found it. But when you are caught in a moment of your own mortality and realize the reality of death looming – a switch happens.
I’m not ready yet, God. I think I still have some work to do. I would be grateful for more time with my sons.
I stayed in the hospital for the next several days, receiving IV antibiotic treatments and getting my work up done so my Oncologist has all the material to create the safest treatment plan. As I write this I’ve already had 3 CT scans, a MRI, multiple bloodwork completed and another MRI and upcoming Pet scan scheduled.
When I woke up this morning, finally in my own bed, everything was eerily the same – but everything was different. It’s incredible how everything changes instantaneously. Despite the prayers and comforting texts affirming my strength and ability to overcome anything, I cry daily. I’m human. I think some people forget that. I think I forget that.
While I eat well, exercise and engage in a lot of mindfulness practices, I have no doubt cancer found me when I was distressed, depressed and in pain. One doesn’t leave a 15yr relationship without anger and sadness. One does not watch their mother die without incredible grief. One does not raise kids, operate businesses, and maintain relationships without intentional, exhaustive effort. I can endure, after all, I am Maria Kang. At least that’s what my parents named me and what people call me and positively view me as being.
But who am I, really? While I am someone who has a high tolerance for discomfort, something penetrated my spirit. Somewhere in my soul, I stored the pain. Perhaps I didn’t speak my deepest sorrows, but I called for IT and it came. It was seeded in my emotional body, formed into a cell and grew into a physical mass and into this existence.
As I begin this journey towards healing, there is a strong knowing in my path. I will survive this. I will become exceptionally stronger because of this challenge. I will see clearer of what matters and what truly doesn’t…who is here, and who is not. Above all, I will experience the power of love.
Thank you to all my friends and family who has helped me and my family. I appreciate all the prayers. And, I still believe in miracles.
And so it is.
95 Comments
I’m so sorry. I was also recently diagnosed with cancer and am having my first chemotherapy treatment today. We may have cancer but cancer does not have us!
We haven’t met and you didn’t know me but my heart aches. I’ve been following you since day one and I was shocked and sad to find out you’re situation. I will pray for your health and family in this difficult times. Keep strong, Maria.
Oh Maria. I’m so sorry to hear about this diagnosis, but I do believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking. You are so strong and have been such an inspiration to many. I pray for your strength and healing and truly hope you feel the love from so many of us that you may not have met personally yet, but have encouraged us and inspired us just by being you. You are so loved and you will get through this.
I am a stage 3 colon cancer survivor. I was diagnosed at 31 while pregnant and I was the least likely patient….non smoker, don’t drink, athletic and healthy. It was just a random fluke that cancer chose me. After an induced birth, 6 weeks of chemotherapy/radiation, a bowel resection, an ileostomy and three more months of chemotherapy, I was declared cancer free. That was 12 years ago. You can do this!!
In my prayers
Are you kidding me?! This is absolutely unacceptable. All you have suffered, all the good you have done in this world, and now this?? This is unfair, unjust, and pure evil. I bind this curse in Jesus name and I cast it out. This is only a shadow of death!
Amen!
Cancer sucks. I’m going on 7.5 years cancer free, but the reality is that you never feel free. It’s just day by day and then it becomes week by week. Month by month. Year by year. Physical activity and the friends I made doing it saved me and gave me strength. All the best in your journey.
Congrats to you. You are free!
Oh my goodness Maria, I am so sorry to hear this. Prayers and hugs for you. Please keep us posted. Love you
Maria, you are a beautiful woman with and even more beautiful soul. You have touched many women’s life’s in such a positive and life changing way including mine and I am forever grateful. You show us all how to take care of ourselves and what truly matters. It’s time to care for you now my sweet friend. Rest and know that your efforts have not been wasted, we will be here waiting for your triumph return and looking forward to seeing what the next chapter holds for you
We love you, Maria, and we are here for you! One day at a time, and in each day, let Joy and Light lead the way! 🙏🏾😇💜
Maria, I’m so so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. There are really no words for something like this. What I do know is that you still have more work to do here and cancer will not be what takes you from this planet. You will be in my prayers fiercely and I will be sending lots of love to you and your family. Please let me know if I can help in anyway or come make you a yummy dinner. Sending you love
keeping you in my prayers, you will get through this.
Sending you love, light, healing energy and prayers, not just for you but for your family and friends, whom I know will be there to help and support this journey 🙏🏼
So sorry to hear this. I recently finished a year long battle with breast cancer that included surgery, chemo and radiation. The best advice I can give you is just to focus on the next step rather than the big picture or it’s overwhelming. Ask for help when needed. And try to stay strong. The mental aspect of cancer is the worst, not knowing, waiting for results, it’s enough to drive you mad. I wish the best in your recovery journey.
Maria, I’m so sorry to hear this news. I’ve wondered where you’ve been as I look forward to your daily posts and have missed them the last few days. The majority of the time, I feel as if you’re speaking directly to me as I feel so aligned with you as a wife, mother, someone who values family and intentional living, grit, love, surrender and purpose. As I read your post, I cried as if I know you in person and although I don’t, you’ve inspired and transformed me in so many ways and I feel like I do know you. I know you’ve receive a lot of “you got this” lately but truly if anyone does “got this” it’s you. You are a blessing to so many and you have my word that I will pray for you daily, for your healing, strength, your heart, and abundant blessings that you so generously give to others. Sending all of the love and continued prayers your way. You’ve got work to do and if there’s anything about Maria Kang, she always get it’s done! God bless you, Maria.
You will overcome it. You are stronger and bigger than the challenges of cancer.
Maria, I had somewhat the same reaction you’re having when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I did all the things you didn’t do. I smoked, drank for a few years, didn’t exercise like I used to. It’s not your fault, nor was it mine. I believe that the gene is in our DNA and it develops over time. I’m cancer free and doing all that I can to stay healthy, now. I believe it will rear its head someplace else at some point. In the mean time, I live my life, appreciate all I have and love my boyo’s. Just do your best! It’s all we can do. You’ve got this and anything else thrown at you. Prayers for a healthy body and thorough healing, love and happiness.
Dear Maria, I have followed you for years. I continue to admire your resilience, your strength and your positivity . I have no words of comfort or healing. I do however believe that Jesus Christ does and can heal. I truly believe that anything is possible through Jesus Christ.
Sending prayers and well wishes your way. Sometimes the worst things can happen, to the best of people and there is never a understandable reason as to why. You fight for your children, you fight for your family and you fight for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you enter this storm with the love and support of family and friends.
you are one of the strongest person i have witness from afar and i know you will tackle this like you did all of the other challenges in your life. you got this. prayer warrior is here for ya!
Your anemia concerned me in your prior posts. Not at all normal for someone so fit and active. Blood in the stool is always an indication for a colonoscopy. While hemorrhoids are the most common source of bleeding , someone should have insisted on a colonoscopy asap. We’ve made great strides in treating colon cancer. I don’t know what stage you’re in but certainly surgery for a partial colectomy with follow up courses of chemo and radiation. You will beat this easily. I know your resolve. Dr. Paul Kennedy
I am so sorry to read this news. I have followed you for a long time and admired your work ethics. I was diagnosed last December with colon cancer. I just finished treatment in August. You are so strong. I believe you will get through this!
I’m so sorry your going through this Maria. They say God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Thank goodness he made you the strong woman you are today. Remember you have toucjed so many lives and you will have so many praying for you!!!
Colon cancer has the best prognosis among all cancers. I have a co worker who had it in her 60’s but is now cancer free and traveling the world. You are young. Just continue to live with so much hope and positivity because that is how you beat cancer.
Oh Maria, my heart hurts for you! I’m so sorry to hear this. I pray for you and you family to come out of this. You are strong, you are beautiful and your family needs you! Please take good care of yourself! Much Love Anais (the girl you met in the Denver Airport with her sister’s)
My doctor found colon cancer 3 years ago when I was 44. Like you I had no history, basically healthy, no family issues. So they tested me for a “reason” and the results were numbing. It is in my DNA. I have a 3% chance of colon cancer due to my Chek2 mutation, high risk for many others and a 52% chance of breast cancer. My scans were all clean but they found breast cancer in the tissue after my double mastectomy for prevention.
All this to say – follow your doctors advice through this. Take time to recover slowly because you don’t know what is next. Love to you – it will take time but you will make it back strong and ready!
Prayers & extra hugs for you.
Maria, so many thoughts on this post. I want to thank you for all of your encouraging posts through the Years.You’ve been truly remarkable. I was looking forward to your Christmas decorations and seeing the love you put into the holidays for your family. I do believe in miracles. When I get overwhelmed, I place my hands on my heart and pray out loud. Mostly I repeat the same thing. I definitely encourage colonosvopies and had my first at 44. I’ve been saddened to hear of many natural doctors who discourage them. Some claim they’re risky procedures. Well, everything is a risk. If they catch cc in earlier stages, even stage 3, the surgeries and treatment are very effective. It runs in my family and my family member is doing very well after 3b diagnosis 4 years ago. Sending you all the best. Leah
I’ve followed you since your mom fit days. As a mom of three girls, you were an inspiration. You will get through this just as you have said so. You will yield another level of understanding, passion and love. You are awesome Maria. Keep growing. You’ll speak at one of my retreats and then it will be even more impactful. I love journeys and you have an amazing one!
I am so sorry to hear this Maria! Stay strong! You’ll get through this! Sending you all the positive vibes! Best wishes for complete healing & recovery!❤️🩹
You’re not alone. I was just diagnosed on October 3 2023 with rectal cancer. God willing we will come through the fire. I will pray for you.
I believe in you, Maria. I have been following you for years and I love you. You will be in my prayers. Many virtual hugs…
I cry with you. I pray for you. I love you, my friend ❤️
I’ll be praying Maria🙏🏻
You got this Mama! #cancersucks (cuz you know I know)… but YOU will get through this and add #survivor to your list of accomplishments. #survivorSISTERS ❤️😘
No one fights alone. You are not alone. We are all here Maria even if we don’t know each other, we are all brothers and sisters! I am there with you fighting my own cancer battle. Getting all the scans, blood work tests, etc. is no fun. I will add you to my prayers. We will not have the spirit of fear! This thing does not have us! We will fight together!
So sorry momma. You are how part of a group we never wanted to be. I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. It was the hardest time of my life and also taught me a lot about myself. Praying for you. You are stronger than you can ever imagine.
You are on my heart and in my prayers, Maria.
Hi Maria,
This is such sad news and it has taken our whole community by surprise. You are such an inspiration to me and you really made me want to be a leader for Whangarei NZ. I am now a mum for the 3rd time and I will continue to be a role model for all of my kids. NEM philosophy you started will continue on for generations to come!! This is only a part of your journey and you will be stronger from this experience. I send you lots of love and light to you and your family.
Kia kaha from NZ ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I’m sorry to hear about this challenging health issue.
Stay strong and positive; this too shall pass-in JESUS MIGHTY NAME.
. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼💖🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Maria, I found you and followed you after I had my first baby and she is 11 now. I have looked up to you and used you as a source of inspiration for all of these years! You are not alone in your journey!!!!! In March of 2022, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 35. I went through surgery, 16 rounds of chemo, and 6 weeks of daily radiation. And I made it through because what other choice did I have?? As time goes on, I know I made it through because I can do hard stuff!!!
Maria, you can do hard stuff!! You are strong! I am praying for you!
Maria, May the good lord be by your side and heal you. W rare praying for you. The power of prayer!
Maria. Your only hope Ultimately is Jesus, because none of u s will survive life. He is the resurrection and the life, he who believes in Him, will have eternal life. Come to Jesus Maria, embrace Him, He is waiting for you.
So much love and prayers heading your way.
Xoxo,
Miranda
You have been a big inspiration. Sharing your life through the ups & downs. I have followed you since day 1. I am in complete shock and I pray that you are healed. I pray that God gives you the strength to overcome this. You and your family will be in our prayers as you go through this next phase.
I can’t imagine having to surrender to the medical experts and follow obediently. You’ve managed to make your body so fit and healthy. You’ve got through so much through your own strength and with God’s strength. Now to feel vulnerable and realise mortality! I am so sorry to hear of the shocking and scary news you received. I hope God gives you great comfort and the medical professionals give you all the attention and treatment you need, and no more, and that you recover speedily with loved ones to help each step of the way. May Jesus be your company when you need a friend and no one else has the words to say.
Praying for you Maria 🙏
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalms 147:3 NIV
Maria, I have followed your journey ever since I knew you. Before even your children came. I have admired your resilience, your strength and your lifestyle and your patenting too. Your are bigger than this C, you will definitely defeat it. God will see you through
thank you so much Tina.
Sending love Maria, you are such a strong woman, you can beat this! You are in my prayers
Thank you
Take care Marie. Wish you speedy recovery!!!
Thank you
I am sorry to hear this. May god find you strength to recover from this.
Thank you
Maria, it was wise of you to heed your sister’s advice and go to the hospital. The only way to cure illness is to find the cause. Doing this is a challenge and from what I’ve read on your posts the past few years, you thrive on challenge. My best advice to you (from my 15 years of analytical experience in marketing research, doing statistical analysis) is to divide and conquer. Doing this requires persistant curiousity and being methodical. First, rule out every possible cause you can, i.e. poor health (esp coronary artery disease, obesity and diabetes), lack of daily exercise, consuming genetically modified foods and highly processed foods daily, smoking, etc. Second, analyze, evaluate and interpret the remaining factors. Sometimes the underlying cause is in the least likely places and things that are daily taken for granted. Medicine may have advanced far since the mid 20th century but machines don’t think; people do. You know your body better than any physician. Trust yourself first. I wish you well.
Thank you Chris. I appreciate this message. And I agree, I know my body better and this has been a journey of forgiveness, faith and trust.
thank you for this thoughtful comment. I esp appreciate ‘you know your body better’.
Maria, I am sorry you have to go through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you
Maria: Thank you for the courage and transparency in sharing this private news with us. You must be overwhelmed with all of this and the anxiety of any uncertainties can be stressful. Know that you’re in all of our thoughts and prayers with love and support. You WILL get through this, Maria, as you have everything else that was thrown your way. You’re a Warrior…a symbol of courage, perseverance and motivation. We’re all here for you.
thank you
Oh Maria, I’m so sorry to hear this. No one deserves this, but it’s especially shocking that it could happen to someone like you–someone so healthy and young and as you said, didn’t have any of the markers for cancer. Not only that, but you are so strong and so loving and take such good care of yourself, on top of countless others. You truly are one of the most beautiful people–inside and out–I have met. I mean it! I admire your strength and your spirit, as well as your writing about this (and I’ve always admired your writing). I appreciate your vulnerability and am praying for you. And I hope we can get together soon. Much love to you. =)
Thank you so much. I have always appreciated your spirit.
I appreciate you more thank you know. Thank you
This has hit home for me reading your post Maria, I’ve been following you for years. I am 38 year old mum healthy trained almost everyday, run long distance and ate balanced healthy diet. I was the fittest I have ever been, glowing and lost a bit of weight so I thought was the hard training but that was a sign of cancer. I was diagnosed this year stage 4 bowel cancer metastatic so it has spread through my abdomen, through to my liver and also ovaries plus a tumour that is almost entirely blocking my bowel. It’s hard road to travel make sure you rest when your body and mind say. Stay on top of nausea and pain. I don’t look sick so anyone that sees me always says I look great, glowing and don’t look typically like a cancer patient as I still have my hair. Today was my 9th chemotherapy and immunotherapy session and first scans were done and the results show treatment is working and the cancer cells have decreased in liver and bowel area. So this was scary waiting but fantastic to hear. Good luck with your journey sending you love and strength 🩷
I’m so happy to hear you are doing better Krystal. Thank you for the reminder. I do get nauseus, like I have my period.
Wow. Thank you for sharing. I truly appreciate your experience as I find that to be the case for me. No one sees sickness in me – ever. I DO need to be on top of my nausea and pain as I feel it often.
Screw conventional medicine & their bs of treating cancer. Time to go familiarize yourself with JoeTippens at his website mycancerstoryrocks.
Thank you. I am familiar with him.
Thank you I am familiar with him.
Maria, I hope you make a fast recovery, stay strong you have a lot to live for, when times feel hard -fight , better days are to come. When you are having the good days-take it all in and enjoy every moment. Allow and let family and friends help you and be there for you. ❤️ I didn’t have cancer myself but I watched my 21 year old sister go through it and when she found out she had it, she was already at stage 4. She went to the hospital because she was having a hard time breathing, but looking back now ever since we were young she would spend so long on the toilet doing number two. I would always ask her why does it take you so long? She would say “ what ? I like to read” which she was a total book worm 🐛. There’s so much to say being on the other side and watching someone go through it, I don’t know the pain you feel, what you are thinking and etc but all I have to say is stay grounded. Remind yourself what you have to fight for and Fight-stay strong. Don’t forget to continue to make more memories and laugh, Laugh as Much as you can!!!!
Ha, your sister is me. It always took me a long time.
lol…I was such a planner, I scheduled my long bathroom visits since I was in my teens!
I am sending healing thoughts and positive energy ❤️🌺 I was blindsided similarly by a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis a year ago this month. No signs or symptoms prior. It was a shock and makes you question everything. You have always struck me as a very grounded real person and while this SUCKS, I truly believe that you will come through this stronger and with even more love and thankfulness. Besides diving in and getting the best plan of attack with your doctors the only advice I could offer is what my mom told me, find a cancer support group. Much love to you ❤️
Wow. It’s interesting how cancer permeates all of us. I love my cancer groups on FB.
thanks Becky. I hope you are well. I really appreciate the FB groups I am a part of.
Praying for a quick recovery Maria I am a brain tumor survivor. My tumor was supposed to return within 5 to 10 years after my craniotomy. I prayed for time with my kids who were very young then. I was just hit with the news that the tumor is growing back 6 weeks ago. Although my oncologist and neuro surgeon were ready to schedule my surgery, I trusted a different path and headed to Honduras to Dr. Sebi’s Usha Village. This is a holistic herbal clinic thst treats and cures many diseases including AIDS and cancer. It was an incredible journey that month I was there. I’m back home with two more months of treatment and I’ll repeat my scans at the end of January. I have so much faith in the medicine but most importantly in God and the power we have to be able to heal our bodies. If you need any more info, I’ll be happy to share. Sending healing vibes your way.
Cynthia how are you? YOu are so strong and brave. I am with you 100%
God Bless you. I hope you are recovering well right now.
READ THIS: Buy this book “Aloe isn’t medicine, and yet . . . it Cures’ is another book by Father Romano Zago, who wrote Cancer Can Be Cured . Next: forgive others. These two things. I’ll be praying. You can get the aloe recipe for free online. It works. Also, apricot kernels …I would look into but definitely the aloe recipe.
Lastly, I’m so sorry. You are an inspiration. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you so much, I am working on my forgiveness.
thank you so much for this. I’ve been consuming Apricot seeds and will look into Aloe and the book. Thank you
So sorry to hear, Maria. Blood in stool is not always benign. Coming from a GI background, someone should have scoped you sooner. The great thing is that there are great advancements in medicine and you will fight this smoothly. You have a wonderful family and friends. Let me or Chris know if you need anything.
Thank you so much. My health insurance was taken away majority of last year because an error on their end. It was quite sad, actually.
I lost my health insurance bc of an issue on their end. I should’ve been scoped sooner…but God has a way of making things work as they should.
In the past couple years I have discovered German New Medicine and feel that my eyes have been opened. Like you, I have been on a very spiritually focused path for some time and GNM has been another step in understanding how our bodies work.
Instantly, when I read you had cancer, I thought to all of the loss that you have experienced in the past several years. Of course, you can survive this as well. Wishing you all the best, always.
Thankyou. I just received some herbs from Germany. Am excited to try.
Hello Maria.. I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.
I am pretty sure I have met you at Uplift Pilates classes.
I am writing this to tell you something that I am sure you already know and that is there is HOPE. I know this for a fact as I battled rectal cancer for all of 2023. I was diagnosed at stage 1 but after they removed the small tumor they upstaged it to stage 2 because I was at high risk for lymphovascular invasion. With all this being said.. I had an Iliostomy bag for 9 months. Chemo therapy. Radiation and my final surgery on 11/10 to remove the bag. As all of this was going on my boyfriend, soon to be fiance was battling his own kidney cancer and was just about done of his 2 year treatments. He passed away unexpectedly from a major seizure on 8/6/23. So 2023 has certainly been a challenging and heartbreaking year for me. But, as I mentioned there is HOPE. Without God and my faith, family and friends I am not sure how I would have made it through. My thoughts and prayers are with you Maria. You are a survivor!!!💕
Wow, God Bless you. I am so sorry to hear of your boyfriend. We will overcome.
I love you, Maria. I hope you are doing ok. Please let me know how I can help.
thank you Kimberely
My thoughts and prayers are with you Maria. You are a survivor!!