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a mind dictated by desire.

April 1, 2009

April 1, 2009 I didn’t want to work out this morning. As I layed in bed in the dark staring at Christian’s peaceful face, the idea of putting on clothes and getting into a cold car was not appealing at all. Besides the physical task of moving, I was also unmotivated to exercise due to a melancholy energy that has surrounded me these past couple days. After the gym I was eager to pick up our local paper to see…

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Sweetness after Sacrifice

March 10, 2009

March 10, 2009 I am tired. My goal was to get to sleep by 11:00pm tonight but it is now 11:02pm and my day still isn’t done. For the last few weekdays I have been waking up at 5:30am to workout. Training that early is a sacrificial act that requires discipline and tons of motivation. If I fail to train in the morning, it’s rare that I have the energy to exercise at night. By the end of each day…

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Life is changing

February 13, 2009

February 12, 2009 It’s 3:21am and I can’t sleep. After taking a short nap with Christian lying peacefully on my chest, I awoke to feed him and couldn’t go back to sleep since then. After proceeding to clean and organize the house, I still feel a jolt of energy that is prohibiting me from going back to bed just to lay and stare at a black wall. Interestingly, it is exactly 5 weeks now since I gave birth to Christian.…

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becoming a mother.

January 28, 2009

January 27, 2009 I only slept 3 hours last night and I’m finally experiencing some physical relief from my traumatic labor experience 2.5 weeks ago.  While I spend most of my days on the couch feeding the baby, I still try to juggle my fatigue with article deadlines, C.OR.E. meetings, care home work responsibilities and family commitments. I’ve definitely tapered my schedule since Christian’s birth, but I haven’t totally eliminated all my routine tasks.  Originally, I thought planning continued extensive…

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Christian’s BIRTHday story

January 8, 2009

January 8, 2009 When the doctor said I was almost ready to push, I stared at David with glistening eyes and a quiver in my voice. I quietly said, “do you remember when we first met…how long ago that seemed?” He nodded with a slight smile on his face.  “do you remember when we first talked about having kids…?” My tears finished my sentence. Thoughts of our original intentions, our bonded love and our emotional journey together filled my soul.…

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We’re Expecting!

July 24, 2008

July 24, 2008 We’re expecting Some weeks ago, after realizing I had missed my period, I took a pregnancy test and the result came out positive. The first emotion that ran through my mind was disbelief. Without reaction, I called David, placed the test on my dresser and continued to work on my laptop. When he arrived we both smiled and looked lovingly at each other – a wave of astonishment, anxiety and affection enveloped the room that night. While…

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I am not an idealist.

July 2, 2008

July 1, 2008 This morning I received news that Fitness without Borders will be receiving its first grant award from Nike. If you can only imagine, I was very elated and excited about finally getting some support for an organization that has been running fully on my own investments and donations. Now, we can utilize those funds towards the high school fitness club programs we have planned this upcoming school season! Since I received tax exempt status in February, there…

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my first grant proposal

March 27, 2008

March 26, 2008 I just got back from the National Product show and it was awesome! I love spending time with Davids family and being in an environment that is somewhat outside my norm. It was a nice relief NOT working this evening as I have been working late every night for over a week. Last week I was unable to write a full journal update because I discovered a large grant was due on the 24th. In that time…

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Building a bridge— brick by brick

March 13, 2008

March 12, 2008 I’ve been experiencing another major headache one of two really terrible ones I’ve had in the last 20 days. I feel overwhelmed.             That’s the best way to describe it. My side temples are beating, the lower back of my head is throbbing and my sinus’ are starting to get tender. Every moment of the day, I’m trying to NOT think about answering an email, writing a grant, faxing a document, creating a program, or networking with a…

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Annoying sense of Anxiousness.

March 5, 2008

March 4, 2008 Fitnesswithoutborders.org launched its website on Saturday. It was an exciting, yet muted event where my personal satisfaction was heightened, my internal fatigue halted and my emotional anxiousness enhanced. Similar to the day I won Elementary student council president, or the day I graduated UC Davis or found out FWB was given 501(c)(3) status  the moment was exciting, but the emotional energy passed quickly through me and onward towards a new destination. Right now, I am preparing for…

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