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Life

My son was attacked.

July 17, 2024

I’ve been taking a break from life since my breakthrough a week ago. When I get nervous texts and messages inquiring where I am, I hilariously respond, “I’m on my couch bingeing ‘Suits’ on Netflix.” My life has the same workload, I just boundary up, compartmentalize and resist the urge to multi-task, over-schedule and bleed every drop out of each day. I just want to be present. I don’t often keep my phone close, so it was shocking on Sunday…

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I Have Arrived.

July 15, 2024

“I don’t want to hate this person.” I cried to Brian on a random Tuesday. The day was like any day. I woke early to drop my son to a volunteer program, worked out, went to facilities, assisted a resident at her appointment, ran errands, dropped by a shooting range (where Brian and the boys were) and was scheduled to do an IV treatment followed by dinner with friends. It should’ve flowed productively as my abundant days usually do…with lots…

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Permission to Exist.

July 8, 2024

There were moments in my life when I’ve had very hard conversations with people. It’s the kind when you say something you know to be your truth knowing it won’t be received well, but once it’s released from your soul – you are free of it. You are not free because you released the truth...you are free because you're released from the lie you've been living.

I felt that conviction countless times in my life.

I am not the same person who was diagnosed eight months ago. When being told you have Stage IV cancer, it’s not something you process in one day. You notice everything. You see everything. You feel everything. So much that mattered before, doesn’t matter now. All the worldly ambitions, societal expectations and keeping up with whatever - means nothing.

I’ve asked ‘what is the meaning of life” almost every day since I was a…

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Finding my Joy.

February 8, 2024

A couple weeks after the cancer diagnosis, I was on a plane to Costa Rica for an Ayahuasca journey I scheduled months beforehand. Originally, I booked this trip to support a friend and felt called to sit with this South America psychoactive brew, a plant medicine indigenous cultures historically used for spiritual ceremonies. Many were (and weren’t) surprised I was committed to attending despite the recent upheavals in my world. I had a divine date after all, me and Mr.…

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I have Cancer.

November 15, 2023

Last Friday I woke up at 4am to a gnawing pain in my lower abdomen. I’ve underwent a lot of tummy pain recently and just had a colonoscopy for low iron and internal bleeding. A week prior I complained of pain to my sister – who is also a nurse – and she frustratingly asked, “What would it take for you to finally go to the ER?” I stubbornly responded, “if I could no longer breathe.” As I laid in…

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A New Chapter.

May 11, 2023

I remember sitting across from my mother and her friend at lunch exactly seven years ago in a state of bliss. Despite what had erupted the past year in my marriage, I had a deep seeded knowing that I was supposed to persevere. I recall them looking at me in awe and a little annoyance, as my glossy eyes and confident energy exclaimed that while David and I were undergoing an extremely dark period, our life chapter wasn’t over, yet.…

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Surrendering to my path.

November 28, 2022

In all my years posting online, you’ve never seen me post about a birthday celebration Most of my life I’ve always been pensive, melancholy and seeking solitude on my birthday. The question “Why am I here?” has plagued me since I was 4. There must be more than working, marrying, having kids, buying a house, retiring, traveling and dying. It can’t just be about social media posts, soccer games, buying annual holiday presents and seeking our next achievement – whatever…

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My Mirror’s Reflection…

August 17, 2022

Late May, after a deep and emotional conversation – I noticed the skin around my lips become uncomfortably dry. As I prepped for my stepdaughter’s birthday, I would press a napkin against my lips to soothe the skin as it began to weep. Months passed and despite using different ointments, antibiotics and balms, nothing cured the cycle of it cracking, peeling, weeping and sometimes bleeding. Besides a couple incidents when I had minor body hives from stress, I had never…

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