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Life

Journey into my Healing.

May 30, 2021

May 30, 2021 I’ve been internally occupied for some time now. Last year I began a more aggressive journey towards self-realization. I went on a plant medicine retreat. I attended a weeklong advanced meditation retreat with Dr. Joe Dispenza and followed up with another one months after. I’ve been meditating nearly daily, journaling, reflecting, praying and crying. There were moments when I felt time stand still – when things were happening around me, but I was not ‘in’ me. I…

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Leaving my thirties…

January 15, 2021

January 14, 2021 I was nearly swept away this past December. Despite not having to attend holiday parties due to the pandemic, each day was exhaustively filled with tasks. The hustle each year has made me resent the season due to the overwhelming emphasis on gift giving. My sons thankfully normally expect just a single gift from “us” (I put quotations because my husband rarely knows what was gifted) – but even then, a part of me feels guilt for…

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God Bless our Broken Road

November 10, 2020

I often tell the story of how I met my husband on MySpace – when in reflection, I know I “met” him when he decided to join the Marines in 1996. While he grew up in Hawaii, he unsurprisingly chose to go to boot camp at Parris island, the same place his father went as he is a man of traditions. He joined the infantry like his father – he was a grunt, so I was a grunt, he would…

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Under Attack….

June 16, 2020

Our country is in a period of unrest. There are protests, riots, looting and debates regarding the systemic racism that has unfairly effected African Americans for hundreds of years. Despite being a minority who studied American History and the forecast of a potential race war (as a result of systemic racism) – I have also underwent public scrutiny. Either I am too quiet, too loud, too opinionated, too complicit, too positive, too involved, or too uninvolved. I’ve been told from…

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Let’s Make America Better. (together)

May 27, 2020

Someone recently told me they hated seeing patriotic home decor because they didn’t like our country. The proud American in me responded, “Well why don’t you move if you don’t like it?” While this person left insulted, I realized in my reflections, that I shouldn’t have responded in that way.⁣ ⁣ It’s ok to not be ok with your country.⁣ ⁣ It’s ok to get irked by patriotic decorations.⁣ ⁣ What’s NOT ok is hating something and doing nothing.⁣ ⁣…

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How to Process this Pandemic.

March 31, 2020

After weeks of sulking, I think I’m finally out of it. It started with shock, after the kids school was abruptly canceled. Then anxiety, when a friend’s father tested positive for Covid-19. Then I was depressed, when I canceled multiple trips and upcoming events. Then I was sad, when I saw my mother suffer from health issues and was sent to the hospital. My knee hurt from running wrong. My belly hurt from eating wrong. But most of all? My…

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My family’s unfolding of the Coronavirus

March 27, 2020

A couple months ago my husband started a family chat that made it seem like the ‘sky was falling’. Nearly daily he gave updates on the mysterious virus overtaking Wuhan, China.  We minimized his concern by noting the high fatality of the flu virus and disbelief it would affect us here in Elk Grove, CA. So, I went about my life, literally planning for several trips to L.A., an expo in Hawaii and a trip to Spain – all within…

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How do you know you’re alive?

February 25, 2020

“Why do I always feel like I’m in a dream?” Perplexed, my doctor didn’t know how to answer my son and instead questioned, “Well, how do you feel?” He replied, “I feel like nothing is real.” In an effort to save the doctor I interjected saying, “Honey, if you ever feel like you’re in a dream, just pinch yourself. Do that now (as he pinches his wrist). Do you feel that?” He nods. “Well that’s how you will know.” I’m…

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The 3 people you need in your life.

October 22, 2019

A couple months ago, while driving home from a No Excuse Mom meetup, I saw a fellow member, Kimmy, walking home. I slid down my window and said, “Hey, you live near me! Do you want to go running sometime?” (I’ve seen her run before) She agreed and we both scheduled a 6am run in two days. Asking her to run that day was going to benefit me in multiple ways. I wanted to started getting up earlier. I wanted…

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A Real Apology….

August 14, 2019

Dear Followers, I’m sorry. I don’t like regrets, but I have a few in life. As I look at my scarred, numb and deflated breasts today, I regret ever thinking they weren’t good enough. I fell into the insecurity trap. I remember the day I made the decision to augment my breasts clearly. I didn’t research. I never thought about needing or wanting it before. But, when I was told it was something I “had” to do to win –…

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