January 15, 2008

Since I’ve been home I’ve been storing healthy meals in Tupperware containers, drawing up charts, writing down lists, organizing my belongings and visually preparing for the next 12 weeks.

This year, my plan is to outdo my personal best.  Physically, I want to be in the best shape of my life and progressively become a healthy role model. Professionally, I want to establish my roots in book publishing, motivational speaking and the nonprofit world. Personally, I want to grow closer in understanding and love with my parents, my friends and with David. Lastly, I want to continue my spiritual quest to learn from each moment, and appreciate why God presents all of us with both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ experiences.

It took me a long time to finally get ‘here’ – a place in my heart where I was ready to close the past and look only towards the future. In these last years, I felt imprisoned by my own mental fears of the extremes I knew I could achieve both positive and negative.

The last time I achieved this level of focus I was at my peak as a competitor, a college graduate and a new fitness manager. However, the transitions in my life caused me to take my talented ability to be driven, determined, focus and persistent into a harmful spiral downwards – a route in which nothing was ever ‘good enough’ and ‘achieving happiness’ was an artificial reality only dead minds conceded to believe.

It is in those moments I manifested the emptiness I felt in my soul. I tried to ‘seize’ control over my insecurities by trying to hold on to all outward objects that ‘secured’ me –

But as spiritual law will soon reveal: as soon as you try to hold onto something…you start losing it. For life isn’t about how much we tangibly control, life is about how much we can grow and grasp every conscious second realizing that we are not in control of anything but our own intangible being.

We all live our life in the regrets of our past and the hopes of our future. In these self-reflective years, I was never ‘ready’ to take on focus I achieved before because I was continuously angry at myself for being anything less than ‘perfect’. I was scared of the anxious woman I knew I ‘could’ become. Lastly, I didn’t fully forgive myself for being influenced by all the things I was conditioned to become.

We are all conditioned to be who we are today. There are reasons behind all your behaviors. All of us operate robotically with a sustained way of thinking and simulated was of living.

As long as we live under ‘conditions’ we don’t ‘over’come life’s struggles….for we must realize that when we see a limit, it becomes constraining.  When we form a problem, it becomes difficult… When we try to fix a ‘limiting problem’ by changing our external conditions, we begin living in a world of no control. Your emotions, your life and your chosen circumstances will be dictated by the seasons of this physical world.

Exist in the spiritual world.

Live, in the eternity that exists within you. Know, that nothing absorbs you unless you allow it. Grasp, that you can manifest any journey by first living its truth in your mind first.

Today is my truth.

I write down everything I eat in a food journal – I love it!

I used to make these charts when I competed in the past.
I am a very visual person and LOVE beng able to color code my workouts
and document my progress