I will be honest.I was never quite sure if I was meant to be with this man.I struggled for a long time with truly respecting him as a father, a husband and a leader in our family. I was critical. I was sometimes condescending. I’m not proud of it – and to be honest, much of it stemmed from my belief that he devalued me and my essential role in our family unit.
It wasn’t so much his perspective of me, as it was MY perspective of me…that needed reflection, after all, we can only see in others, what we see in ourselves.In our deep revelations, I discovered my “hardness” was built over years being programmed to be “the strong one”.
My perfectionist side had gotten me into trouble in my twenties (when I struggled with Bulimia) and was reflecting in my business and relationships in my thirties. I hated how he disconnected, when in truth…I was very disconnected for years in our marriage.
I own my challenges and by recognizing these struggles, I am also owning my journey and OUR journey together.There’s a reason why our energies align, why our vibes connect and why we haven’t given up – despite it being really hard at times.
I was transformed recently. It began with an intention to have a stronger marriage, first giving gratitude to it each day when the sun rose. I then started holding his hand, taking time to connect daily and creating space for all the new things I didn’t know existed…because I thought I knew him, and he thought he knew me.
We tried new things. We stepped out of comfort zones. We had hard conversations and we had moments of clarity. It is exceptionally clear today that David is the man I was meant to marry, to grow with, to love and to honor. It took 13 years together to truly know more of me so I can learn more through and with him.
We are reflections of each other. I see that now. And if you haven’t yet seen that in the people who exist in your life – you will one day see that too.When we love ourselves, we love others. When we forgive ourselves, we forgive others. When we allow growth, we let Go, we let God and in doing so – we let light in.