After weeks of sulking, I think I’m finally out of it. It
started with shock, after the kids school was abruptly canceled. Then anxiety,
when a friend’s father tested positive for Covid-19. Then I was depressed, when
I canceled multiple trips and upcoming events. Then I was sad, when I saw my
mother suffer from health issues and was sent to the hospital.
My knee hurt from running wrong. My belly hurt from eating wrong. But most of all? My mind hurt from thinking wrong.
I was a victim through and through these last several weeks. Everything was happening around me. Everything was out of my control. Everything was happening to me – and definitely not for me or by me.
And that was my problem. My problem was ME.
It took time to reel it all in, after all, I’m not perfect. I have a right to stand still, a right to cry, a right to sulk and feel sorry for myself. I also have the right to stand up, a right to smile and a right to choose my attitude so a preceding positive action can manifest itself.
But I needed to process it. I don’t think we allow ourselves to do that sometimes. We think if we position ourselves as leaders, whether as adults, parents, employers or role models/influencers – that any pause, concern or tears – may be an outward sign of weakness.
No. I believe our vulnerability is a sign of humility and connection to all humanity.
The other day I cried. I cried hard. I was deeply concerned about my mother’s health, the fears surrounding Covid-19 and was tired of being tired, both mentally and emotionally. My young 9yr old witnessed me cry. He hugged me and said, “Mom, it’s ok to cry. If you’re hurt, let it all out.” I think hearing him made me cry more, after all, he’s learning from our past lessons to him.
He then said, “There’s a lot of people dying every day and I believe everyone has a certain time…even if you’re 10, 20 or 60, I believe God put us on earth for the time he wants us here.”
And just like that. This little stoic boy of mine …. schooled me.
We don’t have any control, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring – gosh, who would’ve expected in their wildest dreams that we’d be where we are right now as a world…not just a nation, but an entire world who are paralyzed by this pandemic.
Allow yourself to process this pandemic but don’t let this pandemic process you.
Wake up and choose your thoughts. Choose the websites you visit, the people you follow and the shows you watch. Choose the food you consume, the activities you engage in and the things you honor. You have the same control you had three months ago and will have still, three months from now.
So go ahead sulk, but don’t stay in it. Cry, but don’t cave to it. Sleep, but make sure you wake up…because the sun is still rising, our kids are still growing, our lives are still moving, we just need to start owning this journey again.