I’m thankful I lost my wedding ring

December 21, 2016

I lost my engagement ring last week.

As we were driving to the employee holiday party, I reached down into my purse where I had left it last and couldn’t find it. I only recently started wearing it again and was in disbelief that something I cared little about months ago, was now frantically taking over my psyche as I tried to recollect all the places I had been the last 48 hours. Could it be Walmart? While grocery shopping? What if I dropped it in a parking lot or at the department store? The possibilities raised my anxiety and shortened my breaths.

I remember nostalgically telling my girlfriend the other night about my beloved heart shaped engagement ring. I explained how my husband spent his entire savings on this ring, a stone he hand-picked with a jeweler, knowing my love for hearts, but not knowing that we would discover an unplanned pregnancy a few months after his investment. Annoyed, I became depressed by our predicament, being unmarried, jobless and lacking health insurance and thanks to this ring – any savings.

I recalled the day he gave it to me, inside the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament, where my family and friends hid watching and filming in the second story pew. I reminisced on our early years, picking up household items at garage sales, working as a caregiver for extra money and dreaming of a wedding, a home of our own and a big family someday. I thought about all the things I own, all the objects I liked, but did not truly love – and I realized I only valued one object in this world…

And it was this ring.

The ring I couldn’t find anymore. The ring I didn’t wear for months and kept hidden in my bathroom cabinet. The ring I couldn’t stop staring at after receiving it almost nine years ago, but haven’t looked at very much since. The ring that symbolized his sacrifice, promise, commitment and love. I felt horrible, sad that I diminished its importance and the early memories it represented.

Inside the dark vehicle, I confessed to David about the misplaced ring. Not surprisingly, he calmly said we would find it and look for it later. His confidence did the opposite effect on me as I knew he didn’t know how careless I was in placing it in a purse pocket that can easily drop small items. I fell asleep that evening feeling out of sorts, knowing that I had to let go of material objects. I took comfort in knowing my mother lost important jewelry, that others have lost things that symbolized a great deal to them and while this ring could be lost forever, perhaps it’s a sign that we will continue to endure despite the disappearance.

In less than twelve hours I relived our marriage.

From the moment I stepped off the plane in New Orleans and met this profound poet, to the day he got down on one knee and proposed marriage, to the early years enjoying evening walks around our quaint neighborhood during our first pregnancy, to the first time we pulled out the carpet (while I was pregnant with baby #2) to remodel the first care home. I thought about the distractions that pulled us apart, from the rambunctious kids, our dedication to two nonprofits, the growing businesses and separate travels. I thought about these last several months, going with my best friend to the courthouse and filling separation paperwork, crying myself to sleep and waking each day hoping the pain would lessen.

I thought about never seeing that ring again and being okay with it. I detached myself from the outcome. I let go of my expectations and let God.

Around mid-morning I received a text from my girlfriend, the same one whom I retold the story of our humble beginnings with. She had found my ring in the backseat of her car amongst other coins I dropped when my purse flipped over while with her the other night.

A wave of relief and happiness came over me. I stared at the ring for the first time in perhaps years. I didn’t stop wearing it for several days after and I started looking at my husband with greater endearment. Perhaps my carelessness was a sign to hold tighter to things you love, perhaps my nostalgia was a reminder of a history forgotten, perhaps my sadness and elation was a testament of how much I still loved my husband…

Perhaps this could mean anything, but finding “it” meant everything to someone who felt lost in her marriage for a very long time. What we choose to make of any experience, is our decision…and today, I decide to save my marriage.

 

 

8 Comments

  • Reply Cee December 21, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    I’m happy you found your ring. And you found your second chance of saving your marriage. 🙂 It’s not gonna be easy but what is, really. You said before, love is not a feeling. It’s a choice. A decision. A commitment. Don’t feel numb just because you think you lost that feeling. Choose love. Choose him. Good luck to you and David.

    • Reply Maria Kang December 24, 2016 at 12:08 am

      Absolutely – I think many get stuck on love being a ‘feeling’.

  • Reply David December 22, 2016 at 10:06 am

    Love is always a choice. Keep choosing it! Love you. You are an inspiration to so many.

    • Reply Maria Kang December 24, 2016 at 12:08 am

      Yes it is! Thank you!

  • Reply Doug December 27, 2016 at 11:49 am

    Great that your ring was found and that you and your husband are giving it another shot. Love truly is more than a feeling. Never give up on that.

  • Reply alyssa January 20, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Wow, i love how brutally honest you are. Keep charging through it all, you’re awesome!

  • Reply Mari Kuhr January 21, 2017 at 12:14 am

    I will be praying for you! {we all have our hard times} Hold tight to the sacraments 💕

  • Reply Beth February 13, 2017 at 9:55 am

    Yes! Love is sooooo much work. Especially with kids in the mix. We have 6 kids. 5 under age 6 and keeping love in the forefront takes a lot of work. We have very frank talks about it. We agree to be less selfish. Less easily offended. Less needy. More kind. More honest. Our hardest time was when our kids were 8,3,2,and 2 babies. Sooo tired and hard. What helped was open communication about how hard it was. Instead of retreating into our separate corners and feeling sorry for ourselves, we talked openly about what was working and what wasn’t. We were careful in our vocabulary. Making sure we said “thank you” and “would you mind” instead of “you never” and “things would change if you . . .”
    Its a lot of work. Keep turning to God. He wants this to work as much as you do.

  • Leave a Reply to Beth Cancel Reply