Yearly Archives

2016

I’m thankful I lost my wedding ring

December 21, 2016

I lost my engagement ring last week. As we were driving to the employee holiday party, I reached down into my purse where I had left it last and couldn’t find it. I only recently started wearing it again and was in disbelief that something I cared little about months ago, was now frantically taking over my psyche as I tried to recollect all the places I had been the last 48 hours. Could it be Walmart? While grocery shopping?…

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Marriage in a Mustard Seed.

November 15, 2016

November 15, 2016 Our first argument was about mustard. Exactly this time in November many moons ago, my boyfriend and I fell in love. We had a long-distance relationship and were excited to plant roots together in the same city. While on our road trip from Mississippi to Sacramento I bought him a cheeseburger at a restaurant. Even though he mentioned he detested the taste of mustard once before, I forgot to request his meal without it. When I realized…

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A life lived in limbo…

October 2, 2016

Oct 2, 2016 Months ago I separated from my husband. Every day since, my moods have been volatile, colorful and constantly changing. I’m either up or down, angry or ok, upset or calm, tearful or solemn. Like my life this past year, I feel like I’m just trying to stay above water, trying to hold things together while breaking slowly apart. In these last several months, I began to wail – a deep, weeping cry that travels deep into one’s…

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What is Love?

August 21, 2016

August 22, 2016 I write while standing at a life crossroad. I never knew I’d be standing here, re-planning my world and wondering which road would be the wisest to take. I’ve thought about every event that led up to this moment in time – from my own appraisal and past selfishness, to resentments, frustrations, withdrawals and betrayals. I’ve cried nearly each day for a month and have gone through each stage of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing…

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Testing my Endurance

May 11, 2016

As I ran passed Mile 23, my moistened eyes emotionally grasped that this moment had finally arrived. I was going to complete my first marathon. All the training, early mornings, hours on the treadmill and runs around Laguna Creek and Folsom Lake will have amounted to this single moment in time. At the corner of my eye, I can see my husband, pounding the pavement alongside me, carrying a 20lb backpack, a large camera draped around his neck and a…

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Developing My Grit.

April 19, 2016

April 17, 2016 I created this website over ten years ago because I wanted to start telling my story. Since I was little my shyness was perceived as snobby, my confidence was considered arrogant, my honesty was viewed as abrasive and my passion was seen as aggressive. Even if I didn’t have direct contact with a person, I was already judged, misunderstood and criticized based on the limited information they had, whether it’s how I looked or a single altercation…

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Living with No Regrets

February 1, 2016

I started my fitness career at 24 hour fitness. It was a new gym, just a few miles away from my parent’s home in Elk Grove, CA. Since I never played a sport, as a non-athlete, I always depended on workout videos and group classes for my fitness regimen. I had my first gym membership at a Racquet club at 14 and began volunteering as an aerobics instructor in my high school class at 16. When this beautiful, state-of-the-art gym…

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Am I Good Enough?

January 29, 2016

I wonder if this is the life I was meant to live? I’ve written that phrase in my personal diaries several times since I began documenting my thoughts in 4th grade. Every day I wake I robotically empty the dishwasher, answer my emails, cook, clean, exercise, work and run errands. There is a long list of have to do’s, need to do’s, but rarely anything I truly want to do. Like write this journal. I’ve been meaning to write for…

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