Finding solace in my sadness

March 27, 2013

March 26, 2013

When I first discovered we were unexpectedly pregnant I had no income. I lived in my parent’s home. I didn’t have health insurance. And I wasn’t married.

For the first half of the pregnancy I fell into a deep depression. I constantly cried questioning ‘why’ my seamless life appeared to be ‘falling’ apart. Up to that point, I followed all life’s rules. I graduated college with two bachelors, I excelled in my corporate work, I lived independently in San Francisco and I managed to win top pageant/fitness titles and appear on the cover of SF weekly and Florida Fitness magazine. When I underwent a spiritual transformation in my mid-twenties I knew I had to start breaking these made-up rules that were ‘supposed’ to make me happy. Truth was, I wasn’t happy. I didn’t know who I was, why I existed and what motivated me to get up each day and choose to ‘live’. I gained weight, I quit my job, I moved home, I started a nonprofit and I resonated with a man who inspired me with his profound life story.

We fell in love, became engaged and experienced an unplanned pregnancy.

Years ago I couldn’t foresee a positive future. Through my tears and my blooming belly, I could only see how destroyed I felt being unmarried, without a career and not doing things the ‘right’ way.  I often wept for the baby I carried because I thought he felt the pain, disappointment, anger and fear I suffered on a daily basis. During these trying times, I witnessed David in his weakest moments trying to stay strong in the shadow of my personal darkness.

I found my strength through my family, my friends, my fiancée and my faith. I began writing 3 year, 3 months and 3 week goals. I started visualizing a healthy family, a consistent income and a progressive future. I took action towards my dreams by first writing down my goals.  I wrote I wanted a beautiful wedding, a big grant for my nonprofit and a cover of a magazine. I wanted to become a good wife, a great mother, a successful business owner and an influential fitness role model. I couldn’t see, feel, or touch these goals – but I could taste it. I wanted them badly…more badly than the pit of tears I sat in because I felt sorry for myself.

Today we celebrated the Grand Opening of my 2nd carehome for the elderly. It’s been a long-awaited journey ever since this process began a year ago. It took financial discipline, physical work and constant planning to finally open the doors to a new business. It’s not easy and as it grows, it will probably get harder – but I know why I have to work hard, which makes the journey more durable…

I work hard, I stay disciplined and I maintain focus because I do it for my kids, I do it for our future, I do it for the people we serve….but most of all,

I do it because it makes me happy.

Happiness isn’t about attaining titles, making money and buying things. Happiness is in serving others, fulfilling your dreams and existing for a greater purpose larger than yourself.  In order to know happiness, you must have known sadness – because in experiencing one emotion, you can know when you feel the opposite.

Sadness met me years ago and happiness greeted me when I woke up today.

God Bless you.


David took this photo when I was 7 months pregnant with our first child. I bought that dress because I probably considered eloping a thousand times whilst pregnant! We waited a couple years later to get married. Here is his birth story.


Grand Opening of Comforts of Home in the Greenhaven/Pocket area of Sacramento!
Please visit us at www.comfortsofhome.info for inquiries on room vacancies.


It’s a residential 6-bedroom facility. This is the main living area.


We celebrated my dad’s surprise 60th birthday on Saturday!


We had a fun game of ‘who knows dad best?’ (we all tied!)

18 Comments

  • Reply Klavzz Reid March 27, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Congratulations on your new venture. I have been writing down my plans for awhile now – and I am currently WORKING hard at getting them going. Keep doing what you are doing you are an encouragement!!!

    • Reply Maria Kang April 3, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks Klavzz…keep working, HARD! You will eventually reap what you sow. Believe and you will achieve.

  • Reply Ree March 27, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Maria,

    Thank you so much for sharing this post. I’m currently at that point where I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what motivates me. Still trying to figure out what I love to do, career wise. I am going to try your 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks goals. Such a great idea 🙂 Keep doing what you’re doing! God bless!

    • Reply Maria Kang April 3, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      I am always questioning my life’s ambitions every 3 years! Start planning, visualizing and believing…it works!

  • Reply Martina N March 27, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    What a wonderful post Maria. I admire you more and more each day.

    • Reply Maria Kang April 3, 2013 at 4:03 pm

      Thanks Martina for your very sweet comment

    • Reply Kelly January 8, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      I feel the same way!

  • Reply Mercy Viviana March 28, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Wow! After finishing this up, I feel like I have a whole different perspective because in some ways I feel the same way you felt while you were pregnant. Completely lost and unplanned, but I shouldn’t be depressed because if I do what makes me happy at the end hopefully things come out right. Loved this and it helped me a lot. Thank you!

    • Reply Maria Kang April 3, 2013 at 4:03 pm

      Things WILL come out the ‘right’ way Mercy!

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  • Reply Shara January 8, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    Oh my goodness… I’ve liked your personal story for the last few months, but I really REALLY love what your family is doing for the elderly. That is an AMAZING idea to buy large family homes to room elderly in with medical staff instead of cold, impersonal nursing homes.

  • Reply Kelly January 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Maria! This post basically put words to what I feel in my heart. You are so amazing. This post resonates so deep within me. Thank you for sharing your journey with honesty and passion.
    Adore you!

    • Reply Maria Kang April 19, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Thank you!!

  • Reply Cristina January 8, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    I know you’ve been getting many thank you’s already, but I wanted to give you a Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all your inspiration in my life. Its very difficult for our hearts sometimes to keep on reminding ourselves that if we work hard on things, they will eventually work out. All in God’s timing :)! I’ve seen in your instagram postings about you heading to mass in the mornings, and I admire how you organize yourself to always give time to God and attend church even in your busy mommy/wife/business owner schedule. I know God has an amazing plan for everyone, and I just love how you have been finding his great plan for you one day at the time 🙂 and then shine to everyone all the great things he’s placed in you! May God bless you & family Maria 🙂

    • Reply Maria Kang April 19, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Thank you Cristina. I’m not perfect but I’m trying to do my best! God Bless you!

  • Reply Jane January 14, 2014 at 2:23 am

    You mean all I have to do to be successful is think positively? Wow! Are you fucking kidding me? Unlike you, some of us don’t marry into money. You haven’t “earned” shit.

    • Reply Nikeda January 15, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      Jane you need a hug. You seem bitter towards her. Instead, you probably should be mad at yourself for not making a better choice in who you married. LOL! If she married into money, that’s her business. Now it would be a shame if she married into money and was just sitting around doing nothing. Clearly, she is being productive and enhancing her life & those around her.. which, in my opinion, translates to “earning”. Take that negative energy elsewhere. Maria, I enjoyed this. You go girl!

    • Reply Maria Kang April 19, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Jane, I don’t think you read this well as I didn’t marry into money?

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