sitting in silence

June 4, 2008

June 3, 2008

I woke up today comfortable
in my new bed sheets and unwilling to get up and get the day started.
As I performed cardio after my chest and back routine, I kept thinking
about how today would go: I envisioned my focus while writing articles
on deadline, I played out the board meeting I had at 5:30, I visualized
writing addresses and sending out 60 invitations to my sisters bridal
shower, I pictured staying hydrated, eating well and training again
later this evening in my Zumba class. I even envisioned writing this
journal entry…after a late dog walk and hot shower, I knew Id be
sitting in my new bed sheets at the end of today – wanting to
consistently post something before the week preceded

At church this past Sunday, I prayed for peace.

These past few weeks Ive been feeling an overwhelming sense of
anxiety, stress and worry. My mind was in constant motion and would not
stop until my eyes rested into a deep sleep. I lost motivation to work
out I actually just lost motivation to move at all.

Sometimes, when you overindulge your mind with meaningless worries of a
future that has not arrived, you stand frozen with an inability to take
a progressive action towards a direction you want to go.

Actions precedes thoughts therefore Thoughts must be purposeful and
at peace with the flow of your being. If you are not genuinely
arriving to your true self every morning when you awake, and every
night before you sleep…then you must change your course of thought.

Last week I prayed to get connected to the source again…I was not in
step with my purpose, for I was constantly being misguided by a dark
energy that created a strain in my soul.
That energy created feelings of worthlessness, fatigue and disappointment. In those moments, I prayed I sat in silence and I waited for the noises to stop

Today I laughably told David that I’m so busy with commitments to
article deadlines, the nonprofit…even walking my dog! In that same
breath, I also recognized that I was experiencing everything I always wanted:
following my fitness passion, working as a freelance writer, building a
nonprofit, sharing special time with my family and dog…I am where I am because I chose to be where I stand.  Being
a writer means experiencing writers block. Being a business owner
means enduring continuous working. Even being a dog owner requires
selfless caretaking.

Lately I’ve noticed that while Ive always been perennially late to things, I’m now on time
for meetings and engagements. Ive also noticed that while Ive always
been argumentative during debates, I now back down during tense
discussions with loved ones. I’m not extreme in my habits, nor am I too
placid in my ambitions  I’ve refined my life balance

And now, I am happy.


Thank you for reading. God Bless you.

 

Journal Pictures June 3, 2008


Stephanie, Christy and I at the “Sex and the City” movie at 7pm Friday night. It was craziness!


We went to the Flea market on Saturday. We thought this mannequins were sooo cool! They all has gargantuan butts!


My baby all blurred!


ha! We found a full length mirror!
YES, this is my flea market outfit. It’s the most comfortable outfit in the world.


My new hat came in today!!! It’s my new favorite cap to wear – It’s going with me everywhere!!
Check out my nonprofit: Fitness without Borders


I thought it would be cute to take a shot of my favorite little dolls on my shelf.
It’s a duck with bunny ears for Easter and a Christmas teddy bear. So cute!


The love of my life…