September 12, 2005
I am back!!! I arrived back from a week long vacation on the Big Island of Hawaii last night! It was soo much fun. I went snorkeling almost every day, saw the volcanoes and most importantly, I spent a lot of quality time with my father.
The truth is, is that while it was a beautiful vacation overall, the majority of the time, (even though it was a big resort) I was having a hard time living in harmony with my father. When we disagreed on issues, I reverted back to the feelings and actions I partaked in when I was a resentful, little girl interacting with her stubborn, aloof father. But this time, instead of reacting the way I was expected to react: ie. talking back, giving him the silent treatment etc. I began reacting in a positive way. Every time he hurt my feelings, I knew that behind his actions were sincere intentions… And so when he pissed me off, I cooked him dinner or I bought him his favorite ice cream- Even though it hurt me internally every time we lacked effective communication, I chose to react by communicating in the only Real Language in this world…. the Language of Love.
Whenever you want to achieve something that you never possessed before in your life, you have to set up an environment that is balanced with both strain and success. Deciding to take a trip with my dad: a dad I had an estranged relationship with most of my life…was a very big step. But I knew only a few things before I began my voyage with him: I knew that I sought a loving relationship I never had before with him, I knew that every day that passed was an opportunity lost in trying to achieve that goal, and I also knew that if something had to change, the first thing that needed to change was me…I needed to approach the vacation with a new attitude towards him.
The Real Connection between my father and I didn’t happen until the very end of our trip. As we drove to his car we had a huge altercation: all the 24 years of anger, resentment, sadness and regret began to sum up into ten minutes in time. We yelled, screamed, cried and confessed…But in the end he finally hugged me… the way I always wanted him to hug me when I was a little girl. And then he finally told me he loved me…the way I always hungered to be loved my entire life.
While the vacation was filled with snorkeling, luau’s, volcano hopping and souvenir shopping…the Real Vacation occurred in the last Five Real Minutes I spent together with my dad…. It is amazing how you can Live your Entire Life in Five minutes on a cold summer’s night in San Francisco.
I always believed that if you want Positive Change, Something needs to Change…and that first change has to occur inside of You….because YOU are the only thing you have true control over. Thank God for the vacation…because in undergoing a Meeting of the Minds with my father, today I am more relaxed than I have ever been most of my life